If Destiny Won't
by francescai
Summary: There's destiny. Everything it has planned, we can always only agree. Now, if there's something we want, if destiny won't agree, then we can do nothing but hope that destiny's plans change according to ours. NxM


**If Destiny Won't**

by:** manimefrances**

A/n: Hi there again! This is a NM one shot. Hope you'll like it though it's quite a sad one. Anyways, review people!

_WORDS_ – flashbacked memories/ scenes in the past

_WORDS_ – sometimes are

"" – actual talking

'' – thoughts unspoken

**H**ere starts…

I can estimate I've been sitting here for 2 hours, of stargazing and wondering… just sitting simply. This is one of the coldest nights I've ever had added of the fact of the upcoming winter and the pain that still continues to creep in my now empty heart.

The breeze is somewhat aching, making my spine shiver. Although the view under this part of the woods filled with Sakura trees is somewhat amazing (_as what other people say),_ I don't somewhat see how they find the sight that wonderful.

How could I anyway? How could I even see this splendor of nature when my beauty and light was taken from me years back? How could I? With this feeling? The feeling of emptiness and despair.

It all started 6 years ago, I am tagged as the most popular guy in school where all the girls, opportunity and fame surround my being.

Well, if you wanna ask how old I am now, I'm 23 so I was probably 16 back then. I even had a fan club along with my best friend in school, Ruka will all those annoying sluts trying to get our attention in every move but failed miserably.

That thing happens when a duo of gorgeous boys is stuck together. But I didn't care that much.

It was a "perfect" life. That's what people see, envying me but if I was them, I wouldn't love the life I had. The academy I was schooling too was giving me missions because of my Alice, saying it's powerful. But I couldn't do anything but to agree. Shit! Blackmailing me! It's always been hard to say 'no', for some reasons.

Everything remained the same everyday, not until I met Mikan. The clumsy girl who weakened my stamina and drove me off my system…

_It was a Monday morning when we were standing at the fields. It was a ritual, I may say. The ground was filled with chitchats about the latest gossips, and every news fleeing the campus without escape from the girls' mouths whom I don't know why but loved talking so much. Well, they're girls._

_Then suddenly, a tall girl with distinct brunette features bumped me. It was so sudden that I felt my body falling to the ground. I stared at her obviously with irritation – she was pale, clueless, and guilty._

"_Watch where you're heading!" I kinda shouted at her._

"_S..s..sorry." She replied with a shaken voice._

"_What a clumsy idiot!" I said obviously addressed to her. I stood up and went to our section's line leaving the girl crying._

Oh! I know I've overreacted. It was an accident, alright. A part of me pushes to go and apologize (probably conscience) but my pride won't agree. Damn pride!

_In our math class, I was still thinking about that scenario when all of a sudden our professor stood up and said that there is a new student who has just transferred at school. My classmates were whispering: some were full of disgust and some with excitement. Those chitchatting were probably girls and to a bit of my surprise, some of the boys joined their discussion. But why should I even care?_

"_Class, I think you know that it is not my habit to introduce new students. But you also know that Mr. Narumi is obviously lazy and so… I would like you to meet Mikan Sakura." says our professor in a rather boring tone as someone (obviously the new student) enters the room._

_I looked up from the manga I was reading as I heard more murmurs of how they found this new chick gorgeously beautiful._

_And.. whoa! There she was! The girl I was thinking for hours. She walked timidly yet graciously and magically._

_As she was scanning the room beaming those that were staring at her a striking smile, our professor suddenly spoke._

"_Ms. Sakura, you sit beside Mr. Hyuuga. He is going to be your partner in class." Now, Jinno is pointing me._

_As the class heard this, groans were heard especially from the girls. But silence immediately took place after I gave my death glare to every one. They were also afraid of the professor, and his Alice of lightning._

Jinno, our Math professor… He's terribly strict. I could care less. I do not fear him. Only my idiotic classmates do. Probably, Jinno even fears me. I think you now why.

'_Wait a minute! Are we going to be seat mates? And worst, partners?'_

_As she saw my face, she immediately dropped her head down with her bangs covering her face as she walked to her seat. Her smile's gone._

_I could see that each one has questioning looks wondering of her sudden action opposite her cheerful atmosphere just a minute ago or so._

_Seeing this, I felt somewhat guilty inside._

_She sat quietly, after 5 or more minutes…_

_Mikan: "Ahm.. well hey! I'm sorry about what happened a while ago. You see, I was really busy on trying to find this room. And,… since we're going to be partners from now on, I guess (cut by me as I spoke)_

"_Hn…" "I'm Natsume Hyuuga", I said monotonously in a rather cold way, still reading my manga. I was not really reading, just pretending._

_She was hesitant at first but then she suddenly took her hand out for me to shake with. To finish the affair and the looks of our classmates, I took her hand and she beamed me a genuine smile with her eyes closed._

"_Tsk." I muttered under my breathe._

_But I was actually blushing! Only I knew this because of the heat that crept on my face. The others didn't know this. My manga was covering my face._

I could still remember. Her smile, it was just so warm. Maybe that was just her. From her smile, it concludes her personality. It just proves her kind being. Her smile, I just love it. It melts my heart.

Being the cold me as I am because of the sufferings and pain that the academy bestows upon me, I was rather touched and the hard ice that surrounded my heart started to heat up.

It seems she's the one I've been looking for since I first got here. She, even though, it's our first meeting, I could already sense that she would be a special someone. She, I have found my light out of this darkness I want to escape from.

That was the start of our friendship: a friendship that sprouted on that sunny Monday of October, when I was still in Middle school.

But it was a _weird_ kind of friendship. If you're one of the people that sees the 2 of us, I don't know if you'll consider us as friends or enemies.

That's why people always gave conclusions, which were supposedly opposite. They always threw rumors about the two of us saying that we were enemies, _naturally_. What I mean is, I always loved teasing her, making her irritated, and just embarrass her on anything. She was just so sensitive so I could pick any topic to get her into mortification.

What those people didn't know is that I had a soft spot for her: in the deepest and most secured place of this heart that I have. Since before, I never imagined that I would feel like this: a feeling that is some sort of an alien.

The first time I sensed this aura? Well, it was the time I got to meet her. It was that personality of hers, so pleasant and nice that made me love her even more.

I always enjoyed her company. I felt so assured. But then, I just couldn't stop worrying about her safety.

Maybe only a few knew this fact, including my best friend. I'm involved in doing school missions, and those weren't ordinary, those that even risked my life. I feel self pity since I couldn't easily pick the path I want to be into.

The school; the threatening they send me; with my poor sister as prisoner which I haven't laid eyes on for years since we were 5; and now with a new catch of menace: a girl I recently meet. I couldn't really say no now since I'm afraid, more.

More afraid of what? Afraid for her. Since I now have her, my defenses against the school are down. I have more reasons not to offend the school's wants for me to do.

The school can easily harm her. I don't want Mikan to get involved with my troubles.

You must all think I'm 'Natsume the great' who has the most brilliant and powerful ability of fire, gorgeous and cool looks, genius level of thinking, and without a hint of weakness.

But you're wrong. Every person has at least one weakness.

And my weakness? Afraid, really. Afraid to loose the people I care about.

And those important ones include Mikan. I'm scared of the thought alone of losing her. I wouldn't probably know how to deal with things if that ever happens.

Ever since I met her, I felt renewed. I was still the same old Natsume that every one knew _on the outside_. Still, the same old pervert which she named me. But I know that she knows I've changed… for her.

_Years have passed, autumn was ending. We are now an item. And by that time, we have already moved in to high school._

I still could perfectly remember how she said goodbye… **_forever_**.

_The two of us can be seen sitting side by side fingers intertwined with her head resting on my shoulder and me feeling good on smelling her, one afternoon dated years back. Her scent, it was simply unique, the one that I always loved: the scent of indulgence, of hedonism, of decadence, and simply of joy and pleasure._

_By the scene of her silence, I was well aware something was troubling her. It was not normal, maybe normal for other people to be silent at times but she was different. Even though she had problems, she always managed to have a smile plastered on her face._

"_Polkadots, is something bothering you?"_

"_Hey! Don't call me stupid names, you hentai! I'm not wearing those anymore!"_

"_Unless you stop acting stupid. And for your latter statement, I doubt you'll not wear those stupid panties anymore. I'm sure you'll miss them. Those panties of yours kinda brought us together, in some ways."_

"_You really are a pervert! I'm even wondering if I'm really your girl friend."_

"_Whatever" I said that as I accidentally dropped my left hand from her shoulder to her uncovered silky right leg (uniform's a skirt). Without noticing that what I was clinging to some part of her body now that isn't really her shoulder anymore, I continued massaging and caressing it._

_She suddenly burst out with me still innocent about it. (it's actually the 1st time you could say Natsume's innocent about any thing)_

"_Hentai!!!!!"_

_Man! She was the only one I knew who could blush as much as this. It seems that she applied make up on her cheeks making her more attractive with her face with a rosy blush on each side more like those Mary Ann dolls._

_Seeing her embarrassment, I decided to start playing my games._

"_Little girl, I can see you're really getting used to giving me the title of 'hentai' and so…" I lifted up her skirt a bit and blushed but of course lowered my head to cover it with my bangs._

"_Hentai!"_

_I replied with a smirk._

_But then, silence overcame in an instant._

_Her face turned serious._

"_Natsume, I'm booked for a flight next week for the Philippines. After all, my Alice is perfect for defense and I've managed to improve my abilities since I got here… ano… eto… with you."_

"_So, what did Persona tell you to make you agree about this?"_

"_Well, ano… he said I have … ano… he said I have a likely powerful Alice, and as well I'm part of the Academy, so according to him, I should do my share as a student, as a part of this school. And he is also telling me that I should be thankful enough not to be part of your class, eto… you know, of Kikkenouryoku-kei._

"_You are not dangerous. Never will it be for you to take part of my class." It was evident, rage overcoming my calmness._

"_But Natsume, don't say that. You are not dangerous. I can see that, as your… girlfriend, and friend."_

"…"

"_Here. I just want to give you this bracelet. I never saw my real parents but Ji-chan says this was my mom's 18th b-day present from my dad when they were still younger. I want you to always remember me with this while I'm temporarily gone."_

"_Don't bother. Go now, you'll just disturb me. I'll take a nap._

_I can see that she was trying to hold back her tears._

"_P-lease do-on't ge-eet m-ad, Natsume." She said with a broken voice._

"_Who says I'm mad?"_

"_I-I just wa-ant to-o say g-ood-bye."_

"_People always leave." I said coldly, although I think she knows I'm mad, and lonely about this._

"_N-oo, N-atsu-me. I'll be-e ba-ck aft-er 4 yrs."_

"_Don't make promises if you can't fulfill them."_

"_Na-tsume, wha-t a-re you s-a-a-yi-ng? It's n-o-ot like I wo-n't come ba-ck for you. I will alw-ays wa-ant to-o be with y-ou."_

"_Maybe, this is part of you breaking up with me. That Sohma guy after all is a hottie"_

"_No-o."_

_She was now silently crying. But I'm as heart broken as her. But what can I do against the authorities? Nothing. And I know if I protest, I'll just put her life to a threat. I just have to push her away to do this. I won't want her not to go. I'm sure they'll harm her or give her consequences much worse than this._

"_Go, do what you want. Just tell me when you're back. And send me photographs with you on bikinis on the beach. I know that country is tropical."_

"_N-a-tsu-me, ple-a-se."_

"_I'm hungry. See you after 4 years, or maybe, never."_

_I turned my back away and retreated._

"_Na-tsu-me!" She cried with loud sobs._

_And finally, the day of her departure for a 4-year mission came._

_I didn't even bother to join the party our friends set for her or send her up to the black limousine that she took as her ride along with other students destined too for the mission. I just stayed under the Sakura tree where we used to be together._

_Pollutants are fleeing the atmosphere. Girls where behind the bushes talking lowly but I heard them._

_Those nifty witches! It makes me sick. They just don't know when to give up on me. But I can't put all the blame on them. I'm just so handsome._

"_Isn't today Sakura's departure for a mission?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_But why is Natsume-kun here?"_

"_What do you mean why?"_

"_I thought Sakura's his girlfriend."_

"_Maybe Natsume-kun doesn't really care about her. Look! He's napping without even being bothered."_

"_Yeah. Sakura's probably just his toy. You know how their routines go every day. I don't even know how that Sakura manipulated Natsume to take her as his **pretend** girl friend. Maybe being them as an item was only a rumor which that Sakura used to make the school girl population envy her."_

"_I knew it! She was just using Natsume since she's only a double star!"_

"_Oh my god! She's so evil! Using Natsume to acquire fame!"_

"_Yeah, and to think about it, we're way better than that ugly Sakura to be in a place as special as Natsume's tagged **pretend** girl friend."_

"_Poor Sakura! It's not like I pity her. I'm even happy that she'll be out of our sight and we'll finally be successful with hunting Natsume. But I heard that this mission is extra dangerous."_

'_These girls really are crazy about me. Now, they've term this whole thing as hunting me? But as what they say, I'm like the king of the jungle. I'm a lion. I can hunt them to death (literal) instead.'_

"_Who knows. She'll come back dead…"_

_Before the girl could continue her speech (Boring…), screams from 2 girls aroused from the area as I walked back to my room._

"_Ah!..."_

"_My precious silky black soft straight 6 ft-long hair!" (What the girl meant 6-ft, it's impossible. She just meant her extra long hair.)_

"_My wavy perm!"_

"_No!!!!!!!!!"_

_From afar, 'Yes. (smirk) Good for those two. Now they probably learned their lesson not to mess up with my Precious Strawberry.'_

"_It's burning!"_

_As I entered my room, I saw the bracelet Mikan tried to give me the day she said good bye, which I didn't accept._

_I don't wan't to accept the fact of being away from here for 4 long yrs! A day alone would be like 1 month!_

_And there was a paper with strawberry prints._

_It read:_

_03-30-06_

_Dear Hentai,_

_I'm really SORRY. You're right. I can't even fulfill a simple promise. I can't even fulfill my promise of not leaving you and for being there always. I have to do this. Please… Please wait for me. Please be patient. I'll be back after 4 yrs. I know it's very long but, pls. just wait. I'm hurt too._

_And even though I'm not there anymore, you can always remember me with that bracelet. If you're taking care of it, then it's like you're taking care of me too. I'll always take care of you inside my heart._

_Natsume, I just want to say this. I'll always love you._

_With love,_

_Polka-dots/Strawberries or whatever panty design there is in the world!_

_I laughed because of the address she used for herself._

"_I'll always love you, Mikan. Always, take care. I'll be right here. We'll be together after 4 yrs."_

_I watched the private school plane that I'm sure they're boarding. They were fetched by the school limousine to the departure place._

"_Goodbye for now, Precious Strawberry."_

After that, to overcome my overdue loneliness and solitude, I started taking more missions. But since I was thinking always about her, I lost my concentration. I started failing my missions.

"_You've lost yourself, my dear boy."_

"_Whatever." 'You can't harm Mikan, she ain't here.'_

"_I'm sick of all of these. I'm tired of being nothing… but a murderer! Took away so many lives with only a simple reason… orders from the school. And I won't give a damn of it anymore!"_

"_I see, you're confident. That little kitty, I can't harm her with my bare hands. She's not here."_

"…"

"_But there's always"_

"_There won't be a next time. The time she'll be back would be our last days prisoned as the Academy's dogs. Graduation,… and we'll finally be free."_

"_Do you think even after you graduate you'll live a normal life? Especially you're known as the Kuroneko?"_

"_Everything in life is a gamble. And I know we'll make it."_

"_I've always reminded you to keep your heart on your sleeve. This is what love does to you. You get weak. You're a pathetic loser."_

"_I don't care whatever you think about me."_

_With that, I walked away._

"_There won't be a next time. hmmm… There won't be a next time for… the both of you." Persona smirked_

"_But what about Aoi?"_

"_Aoi?"_

"_You've totally forgotten your sister just because of her? You've totally forgotten the reason of your slavery under me since that incident in your village?"_

_I faced Persona emotionless as ever, but now with tears._

"_Since I came here, I followed all of your orders without my will for my dear little sister. Despite knowing what really happened back when I was 8, I still lit my hopes up. You said so. She's still alive. But back one day, I realized I'll never get to see her again."_

"_So, you've long known that she's dead. Even when you came here, we knew you were not the reason for the destruction of your village. It was your sister. The wide Alice use took her own life. She was still very young, and her body did not make it."_

"_That's why now; I'm ending all of this… for Aoi, and for Mikan."_

"_You know you can't use Alice controlling devices on me now. I can destroy them easily."_

_With that, Natsume opened his palm and flame circled on top but with a second, it disappeared._

"_What I want, I get. You should know that yourself."_

Time passed and finally, Mikan would be coming back.

_I didn't see her for 4 straight long yrs. Though she sent me post cards, videos of her, and letters, it's still different for live confrontations. But it doesn't matter anymore as long now, we'll be together._

_We were having classes. As usual, I just read my manga when Narumi came in. His face made me tensed. What has happened? He's totally out of spirits. Could it be that?... No way._

_He showed us a big smile, but didn't reach his eyes._

_Class, the students who were sent to the Philippines 4 yrs. ago are here. They've arrived in Japan and on the way back to the campus._

"_Yay!"_

"_Mikan!"_

"_We'll see her again!"_

"_Yes, Mikan."_

_But then, Narumi's face darkened more._

_Still with class all over excited, Narumi continued with me as the only listener. He spoke softly but I still hear him._

"_But, Mikan… I will say this straight so that it won't hurt much."_

_The class was not listening._

_What the hell is this? Why is it that… I feel like this? Why is that Narumi talking like this?_

"_She's… DEAD." He said in almost a whisper._

_But it didn't escape through my ears._

'_Mikan?'_

'…_Dead?'_

'_She's… DEAD.'_

'_She's… DEAD.'_

'_She's… DEAD.'_

_It kept ringing through my head._

'_She's… DEAD.'_

'_No.'_

"_No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"_

"_And in just a second, the whole of the building I was in…. was wiped out."_

"_I came out from rocks of debris, with flames encircling my whole body."_

"_Mikan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"_

"_I shouted and shouted."_

"_Narumi came into view. Blood all over his body."_

"_Mikan, she's dead."_

"_No."_

"_The plane she was in crashed. She did not make it."_

"_Along her companions?"_

"_Her other companions… are in the hospital now."_

"_What?"_

"_Since her Alice type doesn't concern her health and shorten her lifestyle, she didn't need an Alice stone of healing."_

"_Are you saying that?..."_

"_Yes, Natsume. The others still managed to breathe until they reached here. They can recover with the help of the doctors and their healing Alices. That was because of the effect of the Alice healing stones they wore."_

"_Why only her?"_

"_I'm sorry."_

'_This isn't worth even a thousand apologies.'_

"_Answer me. Why only her?"_

"_In the back ground, people that seemed to have burns appeared out of thin air (people that were inside of the exploded building due to Natsume's Alice). The Academy medical staff is running in all directions."_

"_We prepared if any thing happens when you know about the news."_

"…_Guess we were right, Natsume." _

"_You've prepared for this, and you didn't even really prepare her for her mission? If only, you were not so reckless in not giving her those stones, those that can really be important, she should be here with now."_

_From the looks of the people by Narumi's back, I can sense they see the rage in my eyes._

"_Natsume…"_

"_Both of us did our efforts to endure being away… in 4 straight long years. I've waited… patiently. And now, my wait would come to an end I've least expected…. an end I've least imagined… a different future I've set for the both of us…. It's all…"_

"_Natsume, our lives are set by fate and destiny. We can always only agree."_

"_No… Mikan, she should be with me now… But now, or tomorrow, that will never happen…"_

"_The God above decides of all…"_

'_God? Would there be a true God that can do something this spiteful?'_

"_It's all…"_

_By the time, I was taking steps forward to Narumi._

_With all this, he made me angry. The school made me angry._

"_Natsume…"_

"_It's all because of you… It's all because of the school …"_

_As I said this, the trees around are starting to burn. And the flames I've produced are getting widely scattered. It's the season of fall._

_I continued to near him ready to attack… ready to settle him down… I'm hurt by all this… but there's more anger._

'_These academy people, the AAO tackling me to no prevent, and now Mikan's.. d…eath… I'm sick of it all!'_

I didn't know what to do with all the anger that has settled in the depths of my heart. I didn't want it… I didn't want to feel that much of resentment.

'_They've harmed Mikan…_

_I can never forgive them!'_

_I was only centimeters away from the tip of Narumi's nose that I can be sure the sting of my flames are throbbing his skin… but the flames I produced with fury were extinguished, taking me into a sudden halt in action making me lay there…on the damp ground wet by the recent rain… now with eyes shut out of tiredness, now welled with tears…_

I was starting to fully loose my consciousness…. but I was sure it was that Persona I've heard. With years being with him unwillingly, I can easily sense his voice atop others.

"_Now, my dear boy… See, what I've told you? The heavens always agree with me. With me not even doing any thing, I always get what I want."_

'.'.'.

If you've been in my place instead, what would be there to do? I have never wanted something as desperate as having her, never… yet God can't even fulfill it? I was ready… ready to change for the sake of her yet all my plans and desires leveled back to ashes on that day.

Oh, how I wanted her as if it's enough to say she's my life and it would be impossible for me to breathe each day without the sight of her, but what a pitiful thing it is to say that we can't be together just because of one thing. Just because of the reason that we humans and living creatures don't have enough power to keep things in the places where we want them to be.

So, it is never true that however you work and desire for something, winning isn't something that should fully be expected because there's one a powerful force blocking us from all our wants, without asking us. If destiny won't agree, then there's nothing we can do.

Some times, I keep on asking myself why I'm still living. Am I really that afraid of death that I didn't follow her destination? Isn't it true that I've cleared the facts on me that wherever she is, there I will be and that I can't live without that baka? Why is it that I'm still here?

Well, there could be reasons to suit all. Maybe the things keeping my eyes open are her memories, on how she changed my beliefs that life should be thanked and enjoyed until the last drop of it. Maybe, I just don't want to upset her. She would surely want me to enjoy the remaining years bestowed upon me. And when the time comes for me to leave, I will be more than happy.

And maybe because of her letter. I'm really having a hard time on coping up since I'm still living in the past. But for the sake of fulfilling her ungranted wishes and requests, I will do this for her favor even though it's very hard on my part. But actually, this thing which I'm continuing for more years would be so little compared to the things she's don for me.

Hentai,

For whatever it's worth, I want you to know that I have never expected for time to come when I feel that I have every thing in hand and that was when we met. I'm leaving for a while. I promise we'll be reunited soon, and if destiny won't agree, we will forever be one through our hearts.

I love you.

P.S Mikan (Your personal baka)

'Look at the stars, the one which shines the brightest… is me, I shine because I know you love me.'

A/n: There, done! I hope u guys go submit a review. I would be grateful to readers but reviews must still be great. And continue to watch out for my other fics!

-Fate, Loving Difference, Mr. Perfect

I'll submit more stories soon if the readers happen to love my way of writing.


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